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Sunday, September 15, 2019

Movie Review: Spiderman: Far From Home

Spiderman Far from Home is an exhausting watch. It's the sort of movie I start watching wanting to like it, but it keeps giving me reasons to hate it.

All of the problems in this movie, barring the space monster elemental thingies could be so much vapor if people just stopped trying to make things what they aren't.

Peter, you suck with girls and women. Open your mouth, say how you feel, and save yourself not just tonnes of stress, but loads of time and money.

Nick, Peter told you he wasn't ready. Then you brow beat him, and twenty minutes later, you're angry at him because you don't think he's ready. Shut your goddamn ego and listen to people when they tell you shit. Sometimes the things we least want to hear are the things we most need to, and just because you have a svelt voice doesn't mean you're a gift from god. It just means you should have gone into radio and voiceover work instead of being a bloody spy.

Ned, it's a trap. Just... no.

MJ, I mostly like what you're doing, keep it up. You're weird and cute and really down to earth, which is not completely intuitive given the out-of-this-world shit that comes out of your mouth sometimes. Just stop playing with him. Tell Peter how you feel and save him (and the audience) a world of hurt. Same for all you other ladies out there, just tell them, whomever they are; no drama, just words, and we'll all be better off.


...and I'm only 45 minutes in. This is going to be a long movie.

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